Discharge- the good kind!

Unlike in many other areas of medicine, discharge is a good sign in psychiatry. Yesterday I was discharged from the care of the psychiatrist and community mental health team (CMHT), back to GP care. It was such a low key conversation, some admin to be sent to my GP surgery, but for me in real terms it was a momentous moment. Because the reason for the psychiatrist suggesting it, the reason I could confidently agree, is because I am well. I have been reasonably well for a period of time and there is no indication that I will not continue to be well in the future. I have been under the care of a psychiatrist and CMHT since 2009, so this is a big step for me, like taking the stabilisers off a bike for the first time. In reality this has been coming for a while. I haven't had a regular community psychiatric nurse for about a year, after it was agreed that I didn't need that aspect of care and my psychiatrist appointments have gradually got further apart, like a parent gradually releasing the hold on the bike seat. And to continue the cycling analogy, I feel equally excited and anxious, worried that I might wobble and fall at any moment. I can always contact the service, and re-refer myself if I need to. One of the most telling parts of the discharge conversation with my psychiatrist, was her observation on how much better I was since leaving teaching. She's not the first person to comment on this, I've even been told that I look younger by a few people! I've been out of teaching for seven months now and the difference to my mental and physical health is amazing. I sleep better, my relationships are better, I feel like a totally different person. There are wistful moments where I wish I could have made teaching work, at the core it was a job I loved and I was passionate about. I never imagined I wouldn't be doing it until retirement. However, I couldn't make it work with my bipolar, and considering the number of teachers leaving the profession at the moment, it isn't just people with mental health issues struggling to cope. I will probably always wonder if I had to sacrifice my teaching career because of my mental health or whether even without bipolar it would have become untenable as a job. In the meantime I will keep on practising without my stabilisers, trying not to get to anxious about the wobbles, knowing that if I do fall off there are people able to lift me back up and start again with me I need them.