Following Sunday night’s government briefing and the further guidance on Monday, many of us are once again left feeling very uncertain about the weeks and months that lie ahead. When my daughter was born almost 8 years ago, I became very ill in the first few weeks of her life with postnatal psychosis and postnatal depression. The severity of my illness meant I was admitted to a secure psychiatric mother and baby unit with my daughter, to allow me to be treated and cared for safely, without separating me from my baby.
At this point I had no idea how long I would be there, with only a loose idea of being discharged when my mental health improved- there was no SMART action plan I could follow! Mother and Baby units are fantastic, set up with separate bedrooms, communal living areas, brightly coloured play rooms, all designed to remove the feeling of hospital.
But they are locked, your everyday life is significantly restricted (for your own safety) and you have a lot of time inside the same four walls and on idea when this might end. Whilst this all sounds quite dispiriting, those restrictions and that time saved my life, of that I am absolutely clear. And taught some things that I am using to help me cope with lockdown.
Routine- It’s not for everyone but having some predictable parts of the day helped to mark out the time more easily. Being an NHS hospital ward lunch was 12 and tea (dinner to the southerners) was at 5pm every day. You chose your food the day before. In addition there were some set appointments and groups that helped mark out the week. I wouldn’t suggest a minute by minute timetable, but having structure to your day can help ground you.
Staying in the present- At the beginning I spent a lot of time anxiously deliberating on when I would go home, what goals I would have to achieve, how long it would take to get there. A very wise nurse suggested that only consider today and tomorrow to start with. Then maybe the current week, but never any further into the unknown. Because, she said, you can’t control that time, it’s too unknowable. You can have a relative amount of control on the present and immediate future so stick to that.
Exercise- I was allowed out for a walk, whatever the weather (I was admitted in October). The fresh air, the exertion, it definitely helped and to start with I set a time every day and stuck with it so it was harder for me to shirk off.
Talking/reaching out- It was almost impossible to hide feelings and emotions on the small ward, and that is intentional. Because talking helps, it doesn’t always solve anything, but it does help. And the staff were well trained to go beyond the usual “yeah, I’m fine” and ask again and probe. I talked and cried and laughed and talked with many staff and it was vital to me coping and recovering. Talk to someone, tell them that you are fed up, frustrated, grumpy- they might not be able to change anything but I guarantee you will feel better.
Be productive- I am not going to promote that you learn a language or take up yoga or write that novel, however being able to be active in a way that produces something is very satisfying and helpful in these circumstances. We created a “cooking club” and made simple things together with the staff. But even creating the simplest lasagne to share can give immense satisfaction when everything feels so restricted and uncertain. There is a reason that basket weaving is short hand for mental health- creating, making, building is good for our mental health. You aren’t trying to win Masterchef or the Turner prize, so don’t get hung up on that.
Self care- I hate the term self- care, but it probably is the best description here. I was offered an Indian Head massage by one of the therapists and to this day was probably one of the best hours of my life! Because with everything going on the focus was just on me, I had permission to switch off everything else in my head and relax. Now we can’t visit therapists but it is important to take time for yourself, to switch off the worries, the other demands on your time in whatever way you can.
Finally, some days will not work out- write them off-every day is a new day. In the end I spent 8 weeks as an inpatient on the ward and was an outpatient until my daughter was almost 2. If these tips make it sound like I was winning at being a psychiatric patient, I definitely wasn’t. A lot of the time it was 2 steps forward, 1 step back, occasionally 3 steps back. I had terrible days where I thought it might never end, that I would never be well again, but it did and I was. And although we don’t know when, or how, or anything much at all about the end of lockdown, it will end and in the meantime we need to concentrate on getting through with our mental health intact.
I hope this helps if you are struggling. Reach out to a friend, an organisation if you need to talk. I’m only here because I let people help me, you aren’t incapable or useless if you ask for help. You will feel better, take care of yourselves.
