What's in a word?

Do you consider yourself to have a disability? A simple question for most people, it appears on most equality monitoring forms.  From dentists to libraries, sports groups and employers, everyone wants to know your race, gender, sexuality and if you consider yourself disabled.  I imagine most people find this question straightforward, its obvious right?  Well, I always hover over that question, my pen moving from yes to no, my mind contemplating what it is exactly I feel, do I feel disabled? And more importantly, what will the impact be if I say yes or no?

Bipolar Disorder is, or can be, defined as a disability under the Equalities Act of 2010 (formerly the Disability Discrimination Act) if it impairs the sufferer in carrying out daily tasks.  For example getting dressed, interacting with people, making decisions.  But Bipolar Disorder is a broad diagnosis and so it must be evaluated for each person, it isn't enough simply to say Bipolar Disorder is a disability- it can be, if it effects an individual in a way that prevents them carrying out normal activities.  On that level then I am disabled.  There are periods of my life when I cannot carry out normal tasks, like dressing, or deciding what to eat.  Or even eating at all.

While logically I can look at the criteria for disability and read all the information provided by mental health charities about mental health disability, I find it hard to reconcile that with myself.  I don't feel disabled, I don't see myself as disabled.  But perhaps that is more to do with my perception of disability, or more likely connected to my need to be independent, to not need help from anyone.  Because that is the issue. Ticking that box, especially in the context of employment leads to the second question- do you require any assistance/help for your disability.  I am still coming to terms with the idea of asking for help, admitting that perhaps I can't do everything everyone else does without a little extra support. Disability for me means admitting that I need help sometimes, not something I find easy.

There is also an element of worrying about the consequences of ticking that box, of saying I am disabled.  What will an employer think when they see that, and worse that it is a mental health problem?  A probable assumption will be that I will have lots of time off, that I won't be able to handle stress, that I might "flip out". Technically employers aren't allowed to ask you medical questions until after interview, but they are allowed to ask the disabled question because it relates to interview. So what do I do- say yes and hope they don't just chuck my application in the bin?  Or no and worry that when it comes to the medical they don't question why I didn't say yes earlier?  I just can't believe that many employers wouldn't discriminate against a mental health disability.

Ultimately the problem with this question is that it is so closed.  A small tick box that requires a yes or no answer.  It doesn't allow for an explanation, all the positives that come from it, what I can do, as opposed to the things I struggle with.  Disability is a much bigger concept than a simple yes or no, it is a broad spectrum of identity, one that I am slowly beginning to accept applies to me.